I Do Not Aspire to be Humble

“My kids keep me humble. Unfortunately, Kamala Harris doesn't have anything keeping her humble." - Gov. Sarah Huckabee Sanders

It’s been an interesting election year for a childfree cat ladies such as myself. In the past few months I’ve watched Kamala get slammed over and over for her “lack of empathy” and “lack of humility” that are all apparently inevitable symptoms of an incurable disease called “not being a mom.”

I have to take a pause. It’s so confusing. There are 22 million women right now in the United States ages 20-39 who are not mothers, and those numbers grow every year as women make the choice to delay marriage and family. This is not a political number. These women are not separated by party. ALL of these women are seeing themselves reflected in the news cycles again and again as their lack of offspring gets spun into qualities such as “miserable” and “ineffective leaders,” all in an attempt to discredit a a woman running for president… WHO HAS KIDS. That’s the thing that has blown my mind in all of this. Republicans slam childless cat ladies over and over and over… for what? They just look like assholes, insinuating that being a step-mom is somehow less valuable than biological motherhood.

Kamala had an expert response this week on the Call Her Daddy podcast: “There are a whole lot of women out here who are not aspiring to be humble.” And you know what? She’s completely correct. Humility, along with gracefulness, gentleness, and sensitivity, are all traits that have been historically associated with femineity. Women have been taught to put others needs before our own and to never overestimate the value we bring to the table. Women have learned to judge ourselves harshly and use non-confrontational language that softens and drains our power.

Men are not encouraged to be humble. A successful man is allowed to attribute his wealth and power to himself. A confident man is a leader and a pioneer, a confident women is arrogant and vain.

They'd say I hustled
Put in the work
They wouldn't shake their heads and question how much of this I deserve

What I was wearing
If I was rude
Could all be separated from my good ideas and power moves?

- The Man, Taylor Swift

Humility is a curse. Studies show that women internalize negative feedback much more than men, and criticism often correlates to a significant drop in self-confidence and self-esteem. Because of the way we are socialized, we deflect praise or minimize their accomplishments. We give external credit for our accomplishments. We quite literally are taught to protect ourselves from becoming “too powerful'“ and “too successful."

Humility can be a good thing, but all things in moderation. Prioritizing humility over self-confidence, strong boundaries, and trust in our abilities is a tactic of the patriarchy to keep women down. Women should be encouraged to take ownership of our success, even if it means being perceived as “arrogant” or “self absorbed.”

Making ourselves small for the comfort of others does not serve any useful purpose. Shrinking so others won’t feel insecure perpetuates a lack of power set up by the patriarchy. We need to take ownership and pride in our achievements, so that we can empower others to do so as well.